Explaining the Dumpster Stains
This deep thought is less deep than I sometimes get: How do we dumpster “dippers” explain the marks of our trade, if and when people see us in our “work clothes?”
In truth, this question is irrelevant, because most of us clean up for company–but in the event that you’re caught off guard, here are some answers to the inevitably awkward question: “What’s that on your shirt (or pants)?”
Answers:
- “Oh, this? Ketchup.” This one would be especially convincing if you are working over the dumpster behind a McDonalds. It really is likely to be ketchup on your clothes.
- “What stains?” Not only is playing dumb a classic way to stall for time, but if you do it right, playing dumb is an answer in and of itself.
- “Oh. I’m not sure…” This is another example of the true, but ultimately vague, style of answer–you really may not know what it is.
- “I do know it’s not blood.” Not the best answer–especially if the police are asking questions…
- “I’m holding a loaded baby, you do the math.” Not especially convincing–even die-hard dumpster divers don’t bring babies. They weigh you down.
- “Stains?–HEY! What on Earth could that be over THERE?!!” Now, this is another classic move: distraction. If you can’t think up a convincing answer on the fly, just distract them and either run away, or cover the stain–it could work, right?
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